Wicked Games

So it's another grey, miserable rainy day - again, this seems to be a recurring theme whenever I decide to do a blog - however, this time my hair's safe for now!
My hair 1 - 0 Rain
Today's title comes from The Weeknd's song "Wicked Games" which is easily one of the best tracks I've ever heard and with a lot of his songs, it just captures your mood perfectly. If you've not heard of the song, you must listen to it and his other stuff!

The song reminds me of a recent love that backfired badly and was probably the worst. But it taught me a lot and I'm grateful for that side of it.
It was the one-sided, I'll-give-you-all-of-myself-and-do-anything-for-you type loves. And in return what you get is what I can only describe as a middle finger back at your raw emotions and a kicking when you eventually are thrown aside.
I call it a love because well...without sounding cliché, he was the only person I'd ever cared about properly and the only person I allowed to enter my emotions; we had both grown up without a parent and for me, it was a relief to find someone else who knew exactly how that pain feels, how that emptyness manages to engulf you and how much it affects you.
Now I'm one of these people who doesn't really give second chances, but the number of chances I gave to this guy was unbelievable. It was the whole "Oh but he'll change for me" mentality and hope that he used to feed me. Certain men don't change for anyone; it doesn't matter how many times you cry, scream, beg and plead with them. You end up doing stupid things to try make them happy, without realising how much you're cutting into your soul and destroying yourself.
It wasn't until he left (conveniently) that I realised how much I'd hurt myself by trying to make him "happy" and he'd swanned away unscathed.
It took me months to try and forget about him; I was in misery for months. It hurts when the other person falls out of love with you.
I know that when someone leaves you, the emotional surge hits you like a train and its those scars that never quite manage to heal up which remain with you. The months of agony where part of you hates the other's guts but the other part where you're desperately crying out for them and almost wanting the bad times to return simply because you just want the good times come with that.
But then you realise - this takes a while, a long time in my case - that it's not worth having the times that emotionally killed you just for a few brief moments of smiling, kisses and cuddles. It's the pain that you remember the most and the number of times they tried to break you.

No one is worth going back to, especially if the pain that they caused makes you extra suspicious of people's intentions and wary of being involved with anyone else.
I guess they'd have to be pretty damn special if you go back to them and they actually change.

SlumGods.

I'm typing up this blog on a grey, rainy day which is making me regret the decision I made to wash my hair.
This always happens! The day after I wash my hair, it rains. And for those of you with curly hair, I'm sure you feel my pain!
For those who are wondering; my birthday was amazing and for the first time, I sat looking at my family content and appreciating all of the crazy characters that sat around the table. I felt a sense of pride that after everything the past 7 years, we're united and still love each other so much; we're still a force to be reckoned with.

Today I was doing my usual reading stuff online, surveillance on FB (aka. stalking) and drinking tea when I came across a play on words: "SlumGods, cuz we were never dogs."
It struck a chord with me. It sounds stupid coming from an English Lit student, but I never really carefully considered the film title's words. To call someone a "dog" is hardly a compliment; it indicates inequality, dehumanisation and belittlement. I also interpreted it in terms of race and it reminded me of the colonial past in India and other previous colonies.  Now in any state that was previously a colony, it's generally interpreted as a scar in that country's history. That scar carries the suffering and the pain of the people living during those times. The word "dog" in this context just reminded me of the social divide created on the basis of one's skin complexion - white skin equating to a higher social status and darker skin being indicative of a lowly, sub-human status; perhaps a dog?

What I love about the phrase: "SlumGods" is that there's a reversal of the previous paragraph; those very same people have been elevated, given worth, value, love and appreciation. It removes the "them and us" notion and empowers that group of people.
It reminds us of the value that is present in life; to live is a privilege and beyond any materialistic goods.
Think of all the babies that are still-born, who don't reach 3 years old or die of complicated reasons or a horrible illness. Life is gift and we do not value it enough. To be born and being lucky enough to celebrate your birthday is a privilege.
All the "YOLO-ing" and hedonist lifestyles - sure if that's your thing, go for it - kinda contradicts with what I'm trying to say.

 I've never liked Frankie Boyle's film "Slumdog Millionaire" because it focuses on one area of India and in my opinion it doesn't address issues properly.
I mean, it's common knowledge that there's a LOT of corruption in India, an overwhelmingly sickening level of poverty, the ridiculous outdated caste system, gender inequality, the killing of baby girls, discrimination on the basis of complexion etc.  What irritates me is that no one is doing much to address these issues, trying to change attitudes so that the next generation of kids are better, more progressive and pioneering than the previous one. And those who are trying to do so are smacked back into "their place" by corrupt forces in power.

Since the film came out, various white friends now think that they know everything about India...when they don't. They don't even know about or appreciate the beauty of North India, the heritage of the South and one thing that the film overlooks is the richness and vibrancy that exists in Indian culture regardless of regions.
No matter where you are from, what the colour of your skin is, what language you speak, what religion you follow or not, what your culture is and your identity, it's your worth as a human being that matters.

Chipped nail varnish and grazed knees

Wow it's been a while since I've written on here!  Truth be told, final year at uni has taken over my young life.
Assignments, extra reading, more reading, research, more reading and the dreaded D-word (aka my dissertation)
Life's been alright too; Obama's back for another 4 years so the world's safe-ish for now and I'm drinking a nice cuppa tea. But seriously, it's been a shock settling into third year. Been down for a while now and well I'm on the mend - so I thought I'd return to this!
I was in the kitchen earlier washing up (like a good Indian girl) and I started to think about things in general.

This weekend I hit the big 21 (Sunday for those interested) and it dawned on me that by July I will leave the uni bubble to enter into "the real world." 

It scared me. A bit. 

I kinda got away with branding myself as "Twen-teen" for a whole year because I guess I was in complete denial about growing up and wasn't ready to leave my teenhood.
For older people reading this, I can understand if you're screaming at your laptop/PC screen: "Whaaat!? You're so young, and young people don't go through mid-life crises etc!!"
Fair play. We don't have wrinkles, complications of a family, consideration of plastic surgery or botox YET, but it is overwhelming for us and to be fair, I feel like an old woman sometimes haha!

One of the reasons why we feel increasingly overwhelmed is because there's more pressure on us today than before. Now I'm not saying that previous generations didn't have it hard; everyone does.
There's just a lot more competition today, more human beings and it doesn't help that the economy has gone pants up.
Also, most of us have no idea what we want to do.
It made me laugh because back in primary school, we used to talk about what we wanted to be when we grew up and the imagination of our childhood is incredible:
"A policeman!"
"A princess!"
"A fireman!"
Me: "Prime Minister!" (please don't ask, I was a weird one)

Obviously I don't want to be the PM because I realised that it's a dirty game, my grandmother would probably slap me for making bad decisions and well....just not for me.
From experience, most Indian kids are told to become a doctor, dentist (good luck with bad breath), engineer, teacher, mother, lawyer etc. I kinda...bucked the trend and decided against doing a traditional degree for which I did get a lot of stick for.
I got away with it, but now all the questions are firing at me left, right and centre:
"Will you go into teaching?" - It's a last resort.
"Errr...what job will you get??" - No idea, life's a gamble.
"You won't get anywhere with that degree!" - Really? Watch.
So understandably, I have a lot to prove (which worries me a bit).  My friends and I have gone through the endless alternate life plans, become a gold digger, get a sugar daddy - all the sleazy stuff we joke about but will never do.
When I figure out a vague idea of what to do, I'll def get back to you on that.
Happy writing :)