"Asian women never usually speak back!" Part I

As you may have heard, a young girl was gang raped in Delhi, India on a bus and has passed away in Singapore where she was being treated for the severe injuries inflicted upon her.
Having read and followed this story, it has deeply moved me and it hurts me that such atrocities even take place - it's even worse that nothing is ever done to help the victims nor is justice rarely brought upon the culprits. And it is not only in Asia, Africa, Latin America where rape crimes rarely result in justice - it is even here in the UK.
It has made an impression on me because she was 23 years old - not much older than myself - and that she never received any justice. She was someone's daughter, sister, granddaughter, cousin, niece, maybe even an auntie but this is always overlooked in the minds of rapists, criminals and those who are out to hurt others.
There was another case of a young girl in Patiala, Punjab where she too was raped - instead of the police helping her, they pressured her to accept a financial sum or to marry one of her attackers. She was a 17 year old girl and as a result of that pressure, killed herself.
Is this really what the value of life has come to? A cheap bag of notes cannot erase the pain nor can it ever make the victim feel as they were before the ordeal. It is the ultimate invasion of privacy and it is soul destroying.
A lot of people have been making comments on the treatment, perception and general attitude towards women in the Middle East, south Asia and other parts of the world. I have read comments that are purely evil and full of racist waffle (as ever) to ones of despair calling for women to be regarded and treated with more respect in those parts of the world. What they seem to forget is that a much needed change in the attitudes of men is important, especially as in certain cultures it is very male orientated and dominated by them. I know that in parts of Africa that rape is considered "normal".
I recently watched a documentary with one of my friends about the police in various countries and their response/attitude towards rape. I was stunned (in a bad way!) to their responses which varied from:
"If a girl is in a car full of men, she is asking to be raped. She is a loose character."
"If a girl is dancing in a club wearing a dress, she is inviting men to rape her."
"The girl was wearing make-up and perfume; she provokes men into raping her. It is her fault."

Naturally, this really hacked me off - what is the solution? Do we blanket-wrap women from head to toe in a sack and then let them go outside? That's unrealistic; I personally do not believe that modesty has anything to do with someone (man or woman) being raped. It has nothing to do with how much make-up a woman wears nor what type of clothing she wears; if an individual can conceive the thought of: "I'm going to rape that person" - there is something fundamentally wrong with the mentality and attitude of that person; not the victim. It is about time that authorities and society stopped blaming the victim and began to tackle the perpetrators as they are the root of this problem.
And also I firmly believe that we should teach girls self-respect, confidence and instill a belief in them that "You are fine the way you are. You should not feel scared to go out in public or be educated. There is no shame in being an educated woman. Be strong, be fearless, be a woman who will one day become a mother who will bring up strong, respectful children who are conscientious, tolerant, kind and will be part of a new generation. "

Shera di Kaum

So today  I am pleased to say that it's the end of term and that I handed in my work on time - in spite of feeling and looking like death warmed up. I am also glad to report that I'm on the mend and will be back to my zany old self soon. What better way to "celebrate" by doing an unusual second blog in a week!?

Now not only did I discover that I'm apparently the Queen of Procrastination - I have to admit...I did Google search quite a few weird things (green eggs and ham, Alsatian puppies, pumpkin designs, motivational songs and random celebrities) - but in my quest to avoid doing anything but my work and allowing my illness to take over all sense, I stumbled across a few politically challenged websites.
I don't get angry when I read them because the claims are just so unfounded, ridiculous and exaggerated that it makes me laugh. It makes me laugh even more when many of my friends jump on the bandwagon and think that they're being "social activists" by agreeing to this opinion and "liking" a ton of politically charged pages and links on Facebook manned by bitter beings who really have lost the plot and need to spend a day picking flowers. (My surveillance skills come in handy once again.)

I've never really blogged on this type of issue because I don't know what reaction will come of it, but at the same time it's been niggling me for years and really really annoying me because it just has. And I've had enough.
The reason why it bothers me is because it involves my ethnicity and people of the same ethnic group.
Now I'm Punjabi and I am proud of where my family hails from, but at the same time we're not a perfect bunch. I hate the way that Punjabis are depicted in Bollywood films.
We're generally portrayed as fun-loving, jolly,life and soul of the party - so far so good because that part is true. But at the same, we're presented as border-line alcoholics who are lary, loud-mouthed, womanising, thuggish people who fight like beasts over land disputes and are either built like the brown version of the Incredible Hulk or the Desi version of the Michelin Man.
Whilst this boosts the ego of some, it's a pretty broad generalisation to make. And a damning one at that.
I mean, some Punjabis are miserable little creatures *cough me* and whilst it is true that we are a generally jolly bunch of people, we don't seem to realise that the booze culture we have is our downfall.
In Punjabi culture, it's considered a feat if you can out-drink your buddies (good now, but watch how your liver pickles later). In my family, I've got uncles like that and trust me, it is so embarrassing. You actually can't take them out anywhere (never know what'll happen once they're "accidentally at the bar").
Yet the irony is this: religions in Punjab (the main ones) all tell us not to drink alcohol, but what does our culture tell us? ""Drink veer-ji, drink! Don't worry about tomorrow. Live for tonight. Be a true Punjabi with your glassy."
It's a face palm moment. Such a violent face palm, you end up with a nosebleed.

Another issue I have beef with, (pardon the pun as I'm a Hindu) is that the word Punjabi is now synonymous with being a Sikh. Now, before everyone gets their knickers in a twist, I know that the population of Sikh Punjabis vastly outnumbers Hindus, Christians etc in the region. I also have the utmost respect for them and have a lot of Sikhs in my own family. But it does not mean that one's identity as a Sikh, Hindu, Christian or Muslim should be confused with being Punjabi.  I wish people wouldn't confuse their religion with culture because this is where all the problems start.

I just despair at what has happened the original Punjabi spirit where everyone respected each other regardless of religion, cared for one another and were friends purely because they shared a vibrant. strong, beautiful culture and language.
I wish that young people today would just take a step back and put things into perspective and realise how much they have to lose if they give into these rifts, embittered people who vent about silly things - yes they are stupid in the grand scheme of things. We don't seem to realise this, forget race/ethnic groups, but we truly are the ones who can make a positive change so that our children and grandchildren grow up without backward, Orthodox thinking that stops progression.
We need to stop bringing up events of the past (no matter how grim, bloody or emotionally wrenching) into our present generation because it is messing us up and distorting us both mentally and identity-wise. And the sad thing is that, an overwhelmingly large number of young people don't realise this because they've been sucked into the propaganda that these embittered, angry, spiritually dead and unfulfilled people churn out.

Don't believe everything you read. Do some digging around and make sure this claim is true. Question it and listen to your gut feeling.

Oxygen Thieves

I'm writing this blog as a sick person today - gastric flu and sinusitis are a lethal combination and my body is  taking a serious battering.
Normally I don't dedicate a post to a specific person but I've decided to go for it today. I'm all drugged up on medication and I guess that doesn't really help. Cue: this.

Now, I don't take kindly to people who just walk in and out of my life when it suits them - I'm sure many people don't. And especially when it's after months of not speaking to me despite my efforts to maintain contact, talk to them but get no response. Then they bleat: "Wow, I see uni has changed you so much!"
Well actually no: I've grown up a bit more and it's the other person's fault for missing out on this step in my development as a person. Maybe I'm playing the blame-game, but in all honesty if the avenue for contact is there: use it!
Don't turn up in someone's 10 months later bleating a sorry case about a load of rubbish. It doesn't wash me or many other people who've been in this situation.
I always believe that changes in a person, should in theory, be for the best. However, I'm well aware that some changes make people worse than they were before.

This person in particular, has recently got married and I am truly happy for him (sounds like I'm not, but I am) because once upon a time, we were good friends and even though his behaviour has been stupid, I respect the memory of that friendship.
I understand that it's a big step: you know, the compromises, changing for that person, the honeymoon period, work, a house - it's a lot and it's a serious situation. I get it, but don't walk in and out of someone's life when it suits you because it hurts the other person. And to be honest, I don't this person has realised how much it's hurt me: I value my friends and hate losing them or saying goodbye to them, but in some situations you have to let go for your sake.
I personally believe that losing a friend, is painful and it's on a par with a break-up in a relationship because you really do open up to your friends and when it all ends, it's a shock. At least for me it is.
I'll always keep that avenue of friendship open, but there's only so much you can do and ultimately it's a two way thing and much of the work has to be done by the other person.

"Ain't nobody fresher then ma clique!" Yeah yeah....

For once it's a sunny day but don't be fooled - it's damn cold out there!
I walked out of my flat this morning wrapped up for Arctic-like conditions (have you seen the weather lately?) and when I saw the sun shining, I thought: "For God's sake..."
On my way home from campus - when I decided NOT to wear a scarf, that's when the sub-zero like wind hit me. Nice...
I was channeling my inner gangster (I'm south London, watch yo step!) with all kinds of rap earlier, so I'm in a bit of a bad-ass kinda mood. And plus, I feel a bit lary.
The reason I've picked this topic is because of observations I've made on my fellow human beings and a comment that one of my good friends said to me yesterday: "huge groups of people....cliquey"
In true Scribbler style, I mused it over and was thinking of what to do for my weekly blog: cue light bulb.

I'm not gunna lie, it's something I think every single one of us encounters at some point in our lives.
You know what I mean;  the bitchy group of girls in secondary school, the popular "pretty" girls that hang out together and sneer at us normal beings, the guys that brag about banging every girl in school/uni and have a "secret code name" for their little group (they think it's cool but honestly: stop it now), the collective community who hang out together but really just bitch and backbite about each other in secret.
It's a bit like a toned down version of Jeremy Kyle-meets-Made-in-Chelsea.

It makes me laugh and feel a sense of pity - funny emotions to put next to each other, but tragedy and comedy are often placed next to each other so it kinda works.
I laugh because they're so pathetic: yeah stick with your clique for now, but when you need to enter the big world you're going to be alone. And where will your fellow brothers/bretherin be? Probably nowhere judging by the tumbleweed that passes by you.
It's almost like a herd of sheep that follow each other no matter what; even if Sheep #1 falls off the hill and drowns in a lake. Look! Down go all the sheep!*
I also feel a sense of pity (not too much!) because they clearly do not have a strong enough sense of identity to go out, be confident in themselves to do things by themselves. Instead they're consumed by their insecurity and fear of being left alone or maybe just not wanted by anyone, that they conform to this clique even if it is against the grain of their nature as a person.
I think secondary school and university (and life in general) are spaces where you start your journey in creating who will you become in later years. If you  become a Siamese twin to a clique/group/whatever you want to call it, you lose out on that golden opportunity to start this journey or at least start thinking about it.
I think it also blurs and destroys your unique perception of things; you're always going to have your views smeared by the clique's opinion. You don't create anything for yourself that is truly individual and tailored to you as a person.
It's also a sign of immaturity; it's so secondary school type thinking: "Oh my God, if I want to be socially accepted or considered cool (what exactly defines this?) I have to hang with so-and-so"
Unfortunately, I am aware that this is something that continues into later life but why not break the habit now?

ARRRGH! Grow up! And man up as well! Be proud of who you are on your own and stop being sheep (no matter how cute they look)

*No sheep were actually harmed in the creation of this post.*