My train journey to the country.

A couple of days back, I went on a train journey and part of it involved me going through countryside.
I'm a city kid, through and through, so the minute I started reading train signs called: "Chippenham" etc, I scoffed at these country bumpkin names.
Who the f*ck names a station or a town "Chippenham"? 
From a city perspective, we all think of country people as being apple cart sellers and people who make a big deal of Mrs Jones' geraniums being pulled out of their window box.
If you're already offended, skip to the next blog.



So there I was, having a good laugh to myself - I didn't really prepare myself for what I'd see next.
Bit of background info first: back in the town I grew up in, and the school I was in I saw plenty of weird people, but these people took it to a new height. 
I see a lot of things, but some still manage to surprise me. I should be handing out gold stars to these people but I can't be bothered to.

Back on the train: we went past good ol' Chippenham (still makes me giggle) and I had to change trains. So got onto the next station and I was in for a bit of a surprise.
When people from the city think of country folk, we tend to think dodgy accents, straw hats, weird faded dungarees, degree of slowness and confinement to the local pub.

Yes, this is all stereotyping but hey, I'm giving honesty.

A bit like this actually...

 I understand that this is harsh but I think you can get a clearer idea now. :)

So what I was about to see, gave me a bit of a shock because I've not seen it since I left my school.

 Got onto the train and I swear to God, I'd gone on a time warp back to the 90s.
What do we know the 90s for? Here in Britain, for me: dodgy male haircuts, full on matching one piece tracksuits, happy hardcore crap, the time of pretty good cartoons, dodgy make up and well...it was a bit of a funny decade. Personally, I'd love to have been an 80s kid - seemed more fun.
Ok, so got onto the carriage and I see a group of weird looking men (I'm pretty sure they were men and not mutated life forms) with 90s haircuts. Here's an image for you guys to visualise it:

 What a classy bunch right? These aren't the actual people by the way.

For those who don't know what a chav is, as far as I know it stands for:

                                          Council House And Violent.

I have no idea what they're called in different countries but if so, feel free to comment and tell me.

Yeah I saw a group of country side chavs - I thought the ones in the city were pretty bad, but yeah they exist in happiness in the country as well and were twice as worse ... Great

I sat down and tried to not eavesdrop on their conversation or look at them because I knew I'd start wetting myself with laughter.

I sound cruel, but I don't get how people think they look good in nasty grimy stuff  and walk out not realising that they look like absolute twits?

So the there was a group of chavvy guys chatting up some girls - they were only 15-16 years old, but had plastered on so much make up that they looked older.

Now the make up:

I'm of Asian heritage and til this day I do not understand how white women manage to wear so much fake tan and still look darker than me. To top it off, fake tan doesn't make women bronze and gorgeous like the models in the adverts.

They look orange. Like Oompa Loompas from the original Willy Wonka film, like they've walked out of the Chernobyl nuclear disaster, like they've decided to bathe themselves in orange food colouring.

It looks gross. Then they'd decide to dye their hair bright platinum blonde - it's a hard thing for the eyes to take in you know?

It looks terrible, like they got ready in the dark and they look cheap as well.

So I really didn't twig why the chavs fancied these "uber sexy babes" because if I were a guy, I'd vomit on them.

Their conversation snippets that I heard included: "You look so fine babe" "Really? Awww fanks babeeeee!"

It was cringy. Very cringy and I couldn't wait for my stop to come.

But nooooo, they got off at my stop and I had to put up with them some more.

"Oooh babes, your arse looks good in them leggings!"

Believe me, I kept on power walking but I swear they caught up with me or something.

"Can I get your digits babe?"

This was getting a bit much, (digits is slang for a girl's number) so I legged it out as soon as I could.

I can safely say, that will probably be my first and last journey west of the country. If it happens again, I'll let you know..