"Don't be a such a pussy. Man up!" "God you have such rapey eyes" "Cameras weren't built for our colour. We just blend into the background!"
If I had a penny for every time I heard someone say one of these things, I'd pay off my student loan in under a year and have enough to buy a small house. And maybe a little car. This term is often said in jest to make someone - a friend sometimes - do something stupid or down 3 more beers. I've had this said to me quite a few times and I never really looked into it. In fact, I'm certain a lot of people say it and have it said to them because it's something we associate with being young, impulsive, spontaneous fun people who live for bant.
Hold on: "live for bant?" What the hell does that mean? Oh, you've never heard of "banter?" Well, sit down and get comfy so Avid Scribbler can tell you all about it. For those not in the know, banter is the exchange of teasing remarks meant in a friendly manner. This, of course, is highly contested because "banter" is often used as a cover-up for cutting remarks that reflect an element of truth. The problem is when a particular comment is made that makes you think: "Should I laugh or go in with a cheeky left hook?"
I've had many a moment like that especially if someone says to me: "Yes fam, what you saying?" (to which a black eye is needed) or "Get in the kitchen woman." Well, for starters just because we're both brown and from London does not mean that I'm your "fam" so don't use that word around me. Secondly, I'm not a Michelin starred chef so you'd go hungry. But what annoys me the most, is the response: "Oh calm down, was only banter. Cor someone's on their period!" (that's "banter" apparently).
Whilst "banter" can be genuinely funny, witty and clever it is seriously misused. The sinister side of "banter" that I've experienced comes under "ethnic banter" "rape banter" and "girl banter." I wasn't really amused by them and didn't get why they'd been put under the irritating umbrella term "banter." I like to think that it's nice when everyone tries to be a comedian - some pull it off, others shouldn't give up their day job. A certain individual (not dropping names, that'd be mean) piped up with: "Yeah you love curry innit? I think it should be made into perfume, Asians will go mad for it. But only if it's free. Ahaha, ethnic banter."
Everyone roared with laughter except me and my "one is not amused" face. I thought: oh sh*t did I miss the punchline? But really: it just wasn't that funny. Another one is when I talk about Feminism to boys and other girls. The conversation often flows like this:
A: "I swear they hate men? Omg do you hate men?!"
Me: On the contrary, I love men my dear.
A: "It's a waste of time for extreme people who have nothing better to do."
Me: Not really, the day opinions like that and others disappear will be the day I hang up my Feminism cape.
I appreciate wit, a dry sense of humour and even dark humour at times, but what I and many others certainly do not appreciate nor find amusing are crude, lewd comments that are all too often passed off as "banter" and something we shouldn't take too seriously even if there is a back handed comment hidden in its midst. Whilst comedy is used to poke fun or lighten up a subject everyone gingerly tiptoes around, the answer is not banter nor people who think that they are the "King of Banterbury." You're not.
Banter is often used as an excuse to make derogatory remarks about someone but trying to pass it off in a light- hearted manner. I don't care what word is used to dress it up: at its very core it is rude and damn offensive. Another phrase I can't stand is: "No offence but..." - if you're going to offend me, come out with it. And the other: "I'm not racist but..." - clearly you have some form of complex, please be honest with yourself before complaining about people that have put your knickers in a twist.
If I had a penny for every time I heard someone say one of these things, I'd pay off my student loan in under a year and have enough to buy a small house. And maybe a little car. This term is often said in jest to make someone - a friend sometimes - do something stupid or down 3 more beers. I've had this said to me quite a few times and I never really looked into it. In fact, I'm certain a lot of people say it and have it said to them because it's something we associate with being young, impulsive, spontaneous fun people who live for bant.
Hold on: "live for bant?" What the hell does that mean? Oh, you've never heard of "banter?" Well, sit down and get comfy so Avid Scribbler can tell you all about it. For those not in the know, banter is the exchange of teasing remarks meant in a friendly manner. This, of course, is highly contested because "banter" is often used as a cover-up for cutting remarks that reflect an element of truth. The problem is when a particular comment is made that makes you think: "Should I laugh or go in with a cheeky left hook?"
I've had many a moment like that especially if someone says to me: "Yes fam, what you saying?" (to which a black eye is needed) or "Get in the kitchen woman." Well, for starters just because we're both brown and from London does not mean that I'm your "fam" so don't use that word around me. Secondly, I'm not a Michelin starred chef so you'd go hungry. But what annoys me the most, is the response: "Oh calm down, was only banter. Cor someone's on their period!" (that's "banter" apparently).
| Yes, he does have a point. |
Everyone roared with laughter except me and my "one is not amused" face. I thought: oh sh*t did I miss the punchline? But really: it just wasn't that funny. Another one is when I talk about Feminism to boys and other girls. The conversation often flows like this:
A: "I swear they hate men? Omg do you hate men?!"
Me: On the contrary, I love men my dear.
A: "It's a waste of time for extreme people who have nothing better to do."
Me: Not really, the day opinions like that and others disappear will be the day I hang up my Feminism cape.
I appreciate wit, a dry sense of humour and even dark humour at times, but what I and many others certainly do not appreciate nor find amusing are crude, lewd comments that are all too often passed off as "banter" and something we shouldn't take too seriously even if there is a back handed comment hidden in its midst. Whilst comedy is used to poke fun or lighten up a subject everyone gingerly tiptoes around, the answer is not banter nor people who think that they are the "King of Banterbury." You're not.
Banter is often used as an excuse to make derogatory remarks about someone but trying to pass it off in a light- hearted manner. I don't care what word is used to dress it up: at its very core it is rude and damn offensive. Another phrase I can't stand is: "No offence but..." - if you're going to offend me, come out with it. And the other: "I'm not racist but..." - clearly you have some form of complex, please be honest with yourself before complaining about people that have put your knickers in a twist.
5 comments:
I did post a comment but got lost during "post", blasted. Interesting post. I can see banter disappearing off the scale as we get more PC.
p.s. I like the curry perfume idea.
@MJAR
ooh... nice n brilliant post...liked reading dis one..You pretty much said what many people could not effectively communicate.....
Keep writing !!!
That is so freaking true! I get people trying to cover up their offensive and ignorant comments by telling me 'it was just a joke'. I'm not taking that excuse anymore... unless it was actually funny. Great post! - Timeyin
Good one! Proud of you. Keep it up. Love
This is a fantastically witty piece, whilst conveying a serious message - a balance that is usually difficult to obtain. Looking forward to the next post.
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