This is something that I've been meaning to write about for a while and it's finally here. Anger. It's a natural emotion that everyone feels at some point - or several - in their life. From being mildly irritated to a full on atomic bomb-like state, it can stem from or be sparked off by anything; even the littlest things.
For many years of my life I was a very angry young person - I felt that this anger justified my behaviour, my actions, the way I viewed myself and others. But what I didn't realise was the devastating impact it had on my well being, myself and those around me until I got to the root of my anger and saw how much it had destroyed me.
It is very easy to be swept away in the white-hot surges of being angry at yourself, others, a situation you can't control and/or the actions of others. Anger has the capacity to blind us: have you ever said things "in the heat of the moment" that you didn't mean? Things that we end up regretting and think: "Oh God, I wish I hadn't said that to so-and-so" or "It's going to be so awkward when I next see so-and-so."
Of course, it's easier said than done, for me to say: "Let go" because 9/10 it's not easy to get rid off anger or negative feelings. Especially if you've been feeling angry for years but have been unable to resolve it. I often imagine my anger to be a little monster or demon sitting in the depths of my stomach and when sh*t hits the fan, it sits up, growls and starts making a scene. It screams, shouts, tears at itself hoping that its ruckus will come out of my mouth and into the real world. I used to suppress it but that only made things worse because I ended up accumulating years of anger which ended up harming me more than anyone else.
What's important is for you to try and understand the demon/anger. Why do you feel angry? What sets you off on a rampage? It's essential to try and develop a technique or habit where you can explain to yourself, why you're feeling angry. You don't have to sit down in a corner in the Lotus position saying various chants or stuff like that. Expressing yourself can be in any medium you want; painting, reading, writing, speaking aloud, recording your thoughts, exercising or confiding in close friends/family. However you decide to train your demon, one thing that you learn along the way is how to reconnect with yourself and emotions.
Part of dealing with anger is learning to get to know yourself and what sets you off. Anger has a horrible way of isolating people when they need help the most. How many times have you or someone said: "Look, just leave me alone I'm not in a good mood." Fair enough, sometimes we do need time to work through the motions and clear our heads. But all too often the phrase, "two heads are better than one" comes to mind when trying to understand or deal with anger issues. Why? Because anger not only distances you from other people, but from your true self.
One thing I always say to myself and my friends is: "Always stay true to yourself." If you can't be honest with yourself, who can you be honest with? Emotions are a huge part of the human experience called life and they unfortunately dictate our actions.
You are the best. You are the worst. You are average. Your love is a part of you. You try to give it away because you can't bear its radiance. But you can't separate it from yourself.
For many years of my life I was a very angry young person - I felt that this anger justified my behaviour, my actions, the way I viewed myself and others. But what I didn't realise was the devastating impact it had on my well being, myself and those around me until I got to the root of my anger and saw how much it had destroyed me.
It is very easy to be swept away in the white-hot surges of being angry at yourself, others, a situation you can't control and/or the actions of others. Anger has the capacity to blind us: have you ever said things "in the heat of the moment" that you didn't mean? Things that we end up regretting and think: "Oh God, I wish I hadn't said that to so-and-so" or "It's going to be so awkward when I next see so-and-so."
Of course, it's easier said than done, for me to say: "Let go" because 9/10 it's not easy to get rid off anger or negative feelings. Especially if you've been feeling angry for years but have been unable to resolve it. I often imagine my anger to be a little monster or demon sitting in the depths of my stomach and when sh*t hits the fan, it sits up, growls and starts making a scene. It screams, shouts, tears at itself hoping that its ruckus will come out of my mouth and into the real world. I used to suppress it but that only made things worse because I ended up accumulating years of anger which ended up harming me more than anyone else.
What's important is for you to try and understand the demon/anger. Why do you feel angry? What sets you off on a rampage? It's essential to try and develop a technique or habit where you can explain to yourself, why you're feeling angry. You don't have to sit down in a corner in the Lotus position saying various chants or stuff like that. Expressing yourself can be in any medium you want; painting, reading, writing, speaking aloud, recording your thoughts, exercising or confiding in close friends/family. However you decide to train your demon, one thing that you learn along the way is how to reconnect with yourself and emotions.
Part of dealing with anger is learning to get to know yourself and what sets you off. Anger has a horrible way of isolating people when they need help the most. How many times have you or someone said: "Look, just leave me alone I'm not in a good mood." Fair enough, sometimes we do need time to work through the motions and clear our heads. But all too often the phrase, "two heads are better than one" comes to mind when trying to understand or deal with anger issues. Why? Because anger not only distances you from other people, but from your true self.
One thing I always say to myself and my friends is: "Always stay true to yourself." If you can't be honest with yourself, who can you be honest with? Emotions are a huge part of the human experience called life and they unfortunately dictate our actions.
You are the best. You are the worst. You are average. Your love is a part of you. You try to give it away because you can't bear its radiance. But you can't separate it from yourself.
4 comments:
The title of your post sets the scene very well. Careful choice of words, "train" as opposed to anything to do with eradicating tells me human acceptance of this emotion. All too often we say "me? I never get angry" just as much as we say "I am way to stressed", both parallels are questionable.
We all suffer from this demon, no doubt about it, some, manage to "control" it's power and impact better then others. In my view, there are two camps of anger, there may be more types, but this is my limited mind.
1. I personally sit in the camp of "occasional" anger, this being in very small spats, most times justified, a small fraction often not. Why?...because I am a liberal and passive person but feel the need to vent some anger to ensure my "personality" remains well-rounded. Sounds weird right? Probably is.
2. The other camp is those who constantly need anger to drive their lives, their existence, a persona for survival. Occasionally, like the other camp, they dip out and into a sensitive arena i.e. when you hear ppl say, "I know he/she is bad, but deep down they mean well".
Sometimes anger cannot be controlled, because we don't plan it. To control something is to understand you have it and to be proactive in dealing with it. I think it's more of a case of "channeling" it when it rears it's ugly head. In simple terms you could "grit your teeth", however the technique should also involve manipulating your body language and facial expressions i.e. "a smile" in acceptance, acceptance of an emotion that has occurred without genuine notification.
You make some interesting observations i.e. the very simple exercise of understanding what triggers it off. For example, if every Saturday attending football matches sets of the beast in your mind to such an extent, that it affects those around you, then my recommendation is listen on the radio while playing bowls with some old pals at the club house. OK sounds silly, but it takes a smarter person to "do something" - hence your point, "stay true to yourself", this way you will understand your limitations, because we all have them, and to take some positivity out from the situation.
May have gone off on a tangent, but I blame that on your interesting post :-)
MJAR.
Excellent and relate-able writing once again. I particularly like how you have emphasised the significance of anger as a cause of more serious issues when left repressed or unresolved. This may seem like an apparent link however it is surprising how many people overlook it. "Stay true to yourself," a phrase that cannot be stressed enough, and holds particular resonance to me as I read this today-again-so easy to relate to. Well done.
Well written article...I enjoyed reading it..I like the part where you have written about ways to express yourself to channel the anger...I think that is important and I can relate to that. Keep it up :)
Follow up to this on my blog.
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